So, one might ask "what's been going on with Kathleen lately?" Here's it in a nutshell....bulleted for supreme organization:
-I am going to WSCC and have picked out all my classes. I am taking Geology (because my APES score took care of one of my required Science courses), Psychology, Speech, Intro to Theatre/Drama, Collegiates (the show choir group), and Jazz Band. While Maria & Emily are unfortunately going to Western, Loren and Amanda will be staying behind with my to go to WSCC.
-I work at Super 8 Motel 6 days which is pretty good. Classes start on the 5th so I am going to either be cutting down my schedule or leaving. I am probabaly going to talk to Mike Hipio at the college to see if I can get a job in the library. Seth is working in the Bookstore, so they don't need any help there...and I am not sure if I could work with Seth...
-I have spent most of my time this summer with Maria, Emily, Amanda, and Loren. Right now Amanda and Emily are not getting along and I think they are just going to keep it that way until Emily leaves for college. THat is really unfortunate, but I don't think that there is anyway to prevent it. In the beginning of the summer I was quite the little partier, but I really don't have a single interest in that anymore. I prefer to watch movies, dance, and go to concerts with my girls.
-After two recent guy failers, I still haven't given up. I thought that Jesse was a sure thing alright, but oh well. Bryan was a possibility, but he never called, so I guess he wasn't really interested when it came down to it...that's fine.
-I am going to Wheatland Music Festival with Anthony and his family and I am very excited. The Ragbirds are going to be there, and after dancing around at their concert last night, I am VERY excited to see them perform again!
-

I'll give some more updates later, but I am at work right now. It's not buisy right now, but I'll use this time to clean and organize. TTYL :)

"You need not be afraid. Our countrymen never recognize a description."
"They are practical."
"They are more cunning than practical. When they make up their ledger, they balance stupidity by wealth, and vice by hypocrisy."
"Still, we have done great things."
"Great things have been thrust on us, Gladys."
"We have carried their burden."
"Only as far as the Stock Exchange."
"I believe in the race!"
"It represents the survival of the pushing."
"It has development."
"Decay fascinates me more."
"What of Art?"
"It is a malady."
"Love?"
"An illusion."
"Religion?"
"The fashionable substitute for Belief."
"You are a sceptic."
"Never! Scepticism is the beginning of Faith."
"What are you?"
"To define is to limit."
"Give me a clue."
"Threads snap. You would lose your way in the labyrinth."
"You bewilder me. Let us talk of someone else."

From The Picture of Dorian Gray

I'm lookin' for a place,
I'm searchin' for a face,
Is anybody here I know,
Cause' nothin's goin right,
And everything's a mess,
And no one likes to be alone.

Memoirs of a Geisha is the best movie ever! I am sure most of my friends have already discovered this long ago, but wow...it's amazing. I cried so much at the end when she lost all chances for getting the Chairman, and then he's the one who shows up...ahhh...so wonderful...

I am excited for this weekend. There are so many things that I want to do. I might go shopping with Bell and I definitely want to get together with everyone and play some sort of game...yes...game night sounds awesome. Well back to French homework.

You and I travel to the beat of a different drum
Oh can't you tell by the way I run
Evertime you make eyes at me
You say it could work out
But honey child I've got my doubts
You can't see the forest for the trees

So don't get me wrong, it's not that I knock it
It's just that I am not in the market
For a boy who wants to love only me
Yeah and I ain't saying you ain't pretty
All I'm saying is I'm not ready
For any person, place or thing
To try and pull the reins in on me

It's the 5th of Novemember! Yah! I am so watching V in a couple of minutes.

I wonder how Postma would like this:

I am tired. Last night I went to go have my trumpet lesson at 7:30, but because of quite a few circumstances, the lesson didn't start until 8:30. Lesson...that makes it seem so boring and formal. I had a blast. It was Dave and I playing it up until 10:00 at night. My All-State Audition went from being a bunch of notes, to a work of beauty. That makes me very happy. I got home and studied for the damn APES test, then went to bed. I didn't have time to carefully look at my outfit today because I woke up late, so I look like an ugly Christmas tree. Oh well...

Woot. Today is Halloween, but unfortunately...I guess...I have to pass out candy. I really am too old to off getting candy...lol...your never too old. Maria is going to sit on my front porch with me until I get it all passed out (with the amount of candy I will give each child, it will go fast), then we will go run off and be crazy! It will be sweet.

This has been quite the taxing day, and there is so much more of it left. At the same time though, it's been really nice. I got to sing in the choir today in church, then run up to the balcony to play trumpet, back and forth. We sang the most gospely and uplifting choral piece ever, and I got to play the descant part with Solberg because he forgot his glasses and couldn't see the small print for the part. It was frickin awesome! I got to go on a bike ride, resolve an almost huge problem, and see Nathan. I still have Youth Group and Becca's party to look foward too. I think this, despite me almost having a heart attack, has been great. :)

Thoughts of confusion swirling in the mind, an emotional journey that never ends… always continuing on through the dark forest of life continuing on, and on until the forest burst in flames, bright flames that engulf all of its contents. She destructive and thoughtless, not true, she’s still young and needs to time to grow. Wise men say look before you leap, but she prefers to just dive in. The problems is she has no time to analyze her actions, she finds herself flying in the air looking down, seeing that she will eventually hit the ground. She doesn’t know what she wants…fickle, fickle, fickle…the green light burns bright, but looses its luster once she finds the source. She feels pain and cries, not everything is easy. She puts up a wall, so thick that the green light can’t shine through, can’t expose her and her feelings. Tears, tears…never again… she vows. She finds happiness, but it never lasts. She’s fake and shallow, but only on the surface; if only someone could see through it all, down deep. She never wanted the wall, but she built it, and she is the only who can tear it down. She alienates herself, but feels that society is the one casting her out. She sometimes feels like a monster roaming the world alone, searching for love and acceptance. If she would only look over the wall, she would know that it is already there. Life is truly like a river, as we travel down its path, we mold and shape the river bank, or those around us. Many, many good rivers came her way, always with fresh new thoughts to enrich her mind and affect her outlook on the world around her. The rivers began to erode the wall until it eventually got smaller and smaller and smaller…until it was barely there at all. Life became more beautiful, which life is when you experience it to the fullest, even despite the pain. The pressure had just been too much, the sun always beating on the back of her neck, the pressure to do something with her life, to make something of herself, to make that defining decision. She had never been indifferent, just too confused to every make a decision, she wanted to, just never had the strength. Everything didn’t start making sense all at once, but she could finally see outside the wall to the paths to get there. She still made plenty of mistakes, but it is how she dealt with those mistakes that showed her true character.

Despite the embarrassment or fear, she deals with the consequences and bears the shame of her scarlet letters. Her motto is to live each moment to the fullest and to look back with no regrets, so she does not linger on her mistakes, but looks forward to the solutions. Passion without direction, so much fervor, but oh… that temper. She has so much pride and temper, it gets her in trouble. Her cocky pride and stubbornness has angered the Poseidon’s in her life, leading to so many unnecessary trials and tribulations, so many long, hard journeys…but maybe they were necessary. They made her who she is. They brought out that side of her, the person inside of her that can stand strong when it counts. Despite all her moments of indecision, she can have a bravery and boldness so uncommon in someone so young. When it really counts, when she has her heart set on something, nothing…nothing…can stop her. She has that inquisitive nature, always willing to learn and dive into a situation head on. She never accepts what she is told what an argument and questioning; for her the truth is always up for interpretation. This mentality, added with her passionate and hot-headed temperament makes conversations, in a word, exciting Nightmares of having her individuality ripped away from her haunt her. Libertarian views always keep her on the look out for injustice, yet sometimes fill her with paranoia that Big Brother is watching her ever move, waiting for a chance to snatch away the free existence she wants so badly. Can you imagine a free existence? The words of Lennon ring in her ears, yet all she can do is imagine; she’s a realist and knows that she can only dream of freedom, and even in her dreams she is never really in control. Money is the world’s curse and she lives in the sewage it exudes everyday. A world the puts a price on the necessities of life sicken her. She still sees hope, the often pessimistic nature she gives off is in frustration, but to live life without hope is like traveling the longest journey you’ll ever take, not knowing where you are going, without even a flashlight.

There is so much potential waiting ahead, all she needs is to reach out her fingers and grasp it. She just has to be patient and wait a little; she still has growing up to do, learning to do before she jumps all the way out into the real world. This is one case where she must look before she leaps. She is more observant than some think, knowing that she is still very naïve, still sometimes seeing the world through the eyes of her father and those around her. Once she becomes fully comfortable with herself, she will be ready to go out of the cave her youth into the real world. The sun is just starting to rise into the horizon; her flaws, her experiences, and her willingness to try and try again, leave hope for a bright future.

"In many ways writing is the act of saying I, of imposing oneself upon other people, of saying listen to me, see it my way, change your mind. Its an aggressive, even a hostile act. You can disguise its aggressiveness all you want with veils of subordinate clauses and qualifiers and tentative subjunctives, with ellipses and evasionswith the whole manner of intimating rather than claiming, of alluding rather than statingbut theres no getting around the fact that setting words on paper is the tactic of a secret bully, an invasion, an imposition of the writers sensibility on the readers most private space."
~Joan Gidion

I am sitting at my Uncle Todd's right now after a very long day, but I will start this entry on Saturday. We drove the 7 hours to the Leadbetters that morning. We went to the UT-Bama game (of course we first tailgated). They one in the last minute. I have heard anything louder in my life than the cheers of all those UT fans, including myself. Good thing I bought that Tenn football shirt when I was down there for CHIC. I got to walk around all the places where I was at for CHIC and it brought back great memories. The next day we got up early and met the other hikers and a breakfast joint. We hiked up with Lamar and Aimee, a middle aged couple, Ron and Therese his wife, a father and his two adorable boys, and Jeff. My dad and I hustled along the really steep 6 miles up, and made it in 2 hours and 30 minutes (NOT BAD!). We waited a while taking in the view before someone in a party finally made it. We all played scrabble until dinner. We all laughed and told stories over a delicious meal, and then went back to the den. We played the toughest and best game of scrabble I have ever played, then went back to our cabin to get ready for bed. There is no electricity at this place, so we had fires and caroseen lamps. I had an entire double bed bunk ( I was on top where it was warmest), and I got the best night's sleep I have ever had in my life. The next morning we woke up and ever thing was white. It was gorgeous. It was 18 degrees, but I had backed enough layers in my back pack so that it was okay. We ate breakfast and then set out. About 2 miles down the trail, someone realized we were going the wrong way, so we hiked back up a mile where Ron told us we were going the right way. So then my dad, Lamar, and I hiked as fast as we could a mile and a half down to make up for time. The problem is that we were in fact going the wrong way. The last one of us figured it out for sure, and then it was another 2 miles back to the top again. My dad and I booked it all the way up, and then found ourselves in the lead by a lot going down the mountain on the right trail. Jeff was with us and the three of us went all the way down the mountain together, all 7 miles, without a break. We went so fast that we had to wait an hour at the bottom before anyone we knew showed up. I fell in love with hiking. The views were the most spectacular I have seen in my life. This little blog and any pictures we took don't do it a single bit of justice. The pictures are pretty good though, and I will put them on facebook and probably show them to my APES class ( Postma will love this).

In other news I just got my paper back from Proffesor Wolff and pracitcally wrote an essay himself on how great mine was! (woot A)

I won't be going to school tommorow because we will be driving home, but I should be home around 3 in the afternoon. See you all tommorow night or the day after.

What's up all? I am at my cousin's house in Perrysburg ( near Toledo). We are playing ddr, watching Weird Al videos, hot tubbing, and just chilling. It's pretty sweet. Tommorow I am driving to Knoxville, Tennesse. I will get there around 1, then go tailgating with the Ledbetters before the UT-Alabama game. That is going to be sweet, and UT is sure to win. They are really good this year, I think number 5 in ranking for college football. Anyway, the next day we are going hiking in the Smokies. We are going to hike all the way to the top of the local part of the mountains and stay overnight in a cabin. I love Ron's family so this is going to be a great fun experience. I also love having this lap top and friends with wireless interweb:) Not too much else is going on with my life, except last weekend I did go to the OSU-MSU game. I got to see Elissa march and I got to talk to her after. That was great. Band is going great. Being first chair and section leader is nice. Solo time! I have realized that if you work really hard and try, Mrs. Eagen is nice to you. I was mad at her the first day and flicked her off. She turned her head right in time to see it, but I am sure she knew I did something since the whole band turned heads, laughed, or gasped. I was really pissed at her shitty attuitue, but I was screwing around. All my classes are going great in fact. I studied really hard for my APES test and set the curve, so that was sweet. My COMP 1 class is awesome. I am having so much fun writing all my papers. I have so many friends at the college now and they are all so cool and fun to chill with and talk to. There is also a cute guy in this class that I have started talking to a lot. He is so sweet to me...hmmm...possibilities?!?!?! Eh, who cares...I really actually have no desire for any of that right now. I watched Pride & Predujice last night, and that's what I want. I don't want some little fling, a one-night stand, a stupid high school romance, or a boyfriend. I want what's in that movie. I am such a femenist sometimes, but so conservative sometimes too. I totally want to expeience love in that pure way. Where you want someone more than anything in the world and you've barely touced them. It's that whole courting, chivalrous thing. It's sooo hot, so much more than meeting someone at a club, having sex, getting pregant, and consequencly rushing into a marriage. Eh, who needs any of it. My standards on love are getting way too high from such old-fashioned romance movies, that I will be an old maid with only my books and dog to keep me company in my old age. I totally wouldn't mind though if I could pull a Walden Pond. Anway, off to play more DDR. Be back in da 'stee Monday night.

So Homecoming was really, really fun! The dinner was nice and was really yummy, my date was the best, the group photo was adorable, and it was just fun dancing. I was eithering freaking out over the movie or sleeping at Becky's afterward, but oh well. It was still over all a good evening.

I feel really good right now. I don't even know why. I had a long day and I am totally gross. I have an insanely ugly looking face from no sleep and boy face gruffle (like ryan's sim dad...hehe), but I am still really happy. It's a gorgeous day out and I really, really relaxed right now. Thank Billy Joel! Maria and I are starting a feminist/male pig awareness club. We are going to read cool pamplets and readings from famous feminists and equal rights activists on tuesdays after school, which totally makes me happy! Well off to do Psych homework!

Don't get mad if I'm laughing
Blame the caffeine for all the 5 am visits
I haven't slept a single night in over a month
And not even once did you start to make sense to me
Well maybe I'm a little bit slow, or just consistently inconsistent
I say, "Unpredictability's my responsibility, baby."

But you're waiting at the door where everybody's hanging out just like they hung out before
You didn't have to do it but you did it to say
That you didn't have to do it but you would anyway

To give you something to go on when I go off back to the middle of nowhere.

They chewed me up and then they spit me out
And I'm not supposed to let it bother me
But maybe I'm a little bit weak - I let my frailty take the wheel
I say, "Maybe there's a bit of me waiting for a bit of you. baby."

But you're waiting at the door where everybody's hanging out just like they hung out before
You didn't have to do it but you did it to say
That you didn't have to do it but you would anyway

Things on my mind:
senior pics in an hour!
who to go to homecoming with...if anyone...
wishing the weekend would be forever
happy to be working tommorow cuz i need cash
homecoming is coming up soon!
canoeing down the little Manistee with my bffs was kick ass!
it's getting not as nice out...i hope it's nice for my pics...
i feel like there is something missing right now.
sting music makes me feel like there is something wrong...eerie feeling...
i am very confused...mixed feelings=mixed signals
the football game was sooo much fun yesterday...go band! :)
i feel pretty much stupid over something i felt.
ohio state is winning right now!

well...there you have it. what's on my mind these past few minutes. random, eh?

Caroline, I think that I need to take your advice. Not only take your advice, but start to live my life by a new set of rules. I need to do what's best for me, no one else. If I am not getting what I want out of something, then I need to either ditch it or change it.

"When autumn comes
It doesn't ask
It just walks in where it left you last
You never know when it starts
Until there is fog inside the glass around
Your summer heart"